I got my RubyBlue and Carly Hennessy CDs in the mail today! WHOOSH!

Amanda Latona - "I Hate Myself For Loving You"

Yeah! A Joan Jett cover! I HATE MYSELF 4 LOVING YOU!!! Doesn't everybody feel this way 2?

Some people have told me that I think the world is against me. Sometimes I love life and I can't imagine not being here. Sometimes I wished I've never been born. I've been asked this question before. Some people think I'm annoying. Some people hate me. Some people think I'm weird. I don't know who the *(#! I even am. Anyone remember what Mena Suvari said in "American Beauty"?

Angela Hayes (Mena Suvari)

I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary.

I think this world is against not being ordinary. Screw me, because I think the most ordinary things suck! Except when you're delibrately being ordinary because no one wants to do that ordinary thing anymore; therefore, making it not ordinary anymore anyways. Gotcha?

Driving stuffin' sucks! Dude, you should know that driving is so overrated! What we have to do is bring back ol' skool walking!

I forgot what I was going to write! I just thought today was awkward and stuf*ing sucky. I want to buy "Kissing Jessica Stein" because it's really, really, really good! I guess I gave it time to marinate. :o)

Oh yeah, on American Idol 2 tonight... be sure to:

VOTE FOR KIMBERLY KELSEY!
1-866-IDOLS-01 !!!

Doesn't it suck that "The Wherehouse" is closing down? Well, I kind of saw it coming since I never really bought anything from them. They were WAY overpriced. I sold and bought a Used CD from there here and there, but nothing special. Still, it's sad that things change. As "The Wherehouse" moves on, so am I. I remember the summer when I moved back here around 8th Grade... I would just walk to "The Wherehouse" and 'browse' for fun. I haven't done that for a long time. I can't now and if I don't stay at home next year, I wouldn't be visiting there anyways. (Sigh)

Sara Evans has so many songs I love and adore. I wonder why I'm not attracted to buying her album? Her latest "Backseat of a Greyhound Bus" is a masterpiece.

Ok, stuf* it. I've figured out why I've come to like "Kissing Jessica Stein" so much. The movie isn't preachy (No.1) and it doesn't label anyone (No.2). The whole point with my philosophy is that I don't want anyone to assume who I am or store me away into a category like unpassed bills. I'm just a person. A complex person. And I believe we all are.

I hope I haven't tried to cement someone into a place like how I am feeling now. If I have, I sincerely apologize because I know sometimes, I do make jokes that categorize people. For example, I'm excruciatingly childish when it comes to that driving examiner. I didn't mean it seriously, but part of me is mean-spirited and vengeful.

Why should people care what friends I make? Who I associate with and who I don't? Who I fall in love with? Can't we all just broaden our perspectives? I know I have not, but at least I'm trying.

This post was written as a response to my pondering thoughts to an awkward discussion with a friend last night.
Now I'm going out to buy those Nick tickets. And "Chameli" closed down? I hope not!

P.S. My Rilke quote basically sums up what I'm saying. It took me several reads to decipher a meaning for me.

Has anyone read the young-adult novel "Wonder"? Check it out if you haven't because it really hits home (for me, at least). I still remember buying it at Carmenita... I was actually low on cash that day (figures, I usually saved my lunch money though) and I had to borrow from Bernard or someone. Anyways, I'm glad that I bought it (in that tinsy library/bookshop). It's more real and heartfelt than Judy Blume books. This is what teens feel.

Yesterday I went to see "À la folie... pas du tout" and it was eh. I love Tautou's presence and for that alone, I'm recommending it. It plays vaguely like a TV movie or some TV show. I can't pinpoint why I didn't like it as much as some critics. Perhaps I'm SMARTER than those critics because I wasn't deceived from scene one. I knew something was going to happen and when it did, I was a mile ahead of the movie each time. Maybe I sorta of knew what the movie was about before going in (by watching the trailer). Still, I'll give it a second viewing. The movie just thought it was more clever than it was. I also thought some of the editing was terrible.

For Tautou, the movie was worth it. Her smirk and charm almost stole me over. Like many critics, I praise Tautou for choosing this role which strays away from her saintly "Amélie Poulain" image.

I bought the latest XY and Bitch (I'm like 2 months behind their print date!). I spent all day skimming and reading an article here and there. It wasn't until 1am that I fell asleep. These magazines have some goodys in them. Margaret Cho and amazing poems are the perfect midnight snack.

That reminds me that I should visit that restaurant a friend recommended. I still have a goal I have not accomplish: dining for one. I have to start planning that. It's ridiculous how I'm planning this and not studying.

Alas, I have to buy the Nick tickets today. Do I have to cry for you? Ha.

I have to marinate in this splendid isolation for a while. I don't know what pisses me off more. Why I decide to actually try and be nice or that I'm stupid enough to actually try. Anyways, I'm going to type out the lyrics of "What I've Found" because in a personal/ironic kind of way, it's me in there. Somewhere.

"What I've Found," Carly Hennessy
Found the moon, but not the stars
Found the church, but I didn't find God
Found it easy, but I tried to hard (too hard)
Found the world in my backyard
Found the tears inside your heart
Found my love but I was wrong (so wrong)

Chorus:
So I keep on running
And I keep on falling down
If I keep on running
I can't be found

Found the place we use to hide
Found the box I've left behind
Found the secrets left inside (so long)

Chorus:
So I keep on running
And I keep on falling down
If I keep on running
I can't be found

All I know is I can't let go
Losing fight, but I'll deny
(*I can't make out this part*)

Found the place we use to play
Found the friend I gave away
Found the girl I use to be (happy)

Chorus

I have to marinate in this splendid isolation for a while. I don't know what pisses me off more. Why I decide to actually try and be nice or that I'm stupid enough to actually try. Anyways, I'm going to type out the lyrics of "What I've Found" because in a personal/ironic kind of way, it's me in there. Somewhere.

"What I've Found," Carly Hennessy