"This Is The Night"
[Music || Clay Aiken, "I Will Carry You"]
Wow, what a stressful day. My way of writing is strange. I see my room mate able to complete his essay in an hour or two right when he sits down and sets his mind on it. Me, I see in front of the computer doting for two days coming up with stuff I'm not proud of. However, when it comes to proof reading/editing, I'm able to see my sense of direction from what I've written and add/delete from it. I was shocked my professor liked my last essay on "Trifles" as well! I don't like the process of writing, but I do like the finished product.

Well, like I was sayin', I am having a stressful day. I missed going to an Astronomy group (it's better this way since I didn't read the book and I might look like a freeloader when I'm there) watching TRL (for my BECA essay due Wednesday, I haven't started yet). I'm typing my English book review, the rough draft is due tomorrow for peer-editing. Next, I'm gonna try and finish some Stat. And there's an Astronomy exercise due Wednesday. Can you say, Ai-yah!

I was so surprise to receive a package that Clay sent me, the Clay (and Lobe) CD in the mail today. See, originally he sent it but my stupid school didn't know who Nupur was or thought Nupur was a former tenant here... anyway, they sent it back. I didn't expect or want Clay to resend it again (postage costs money and time!) so I thought I might just pick it up from him (hopefully) during break. I'm so thankful (<-- haha, we have a "wall" on our floor this month "What are you thankful for?" and I wrote "I'm thankful like Kelly Clarkson." and my RA said she liked that lol) Clay did this! Thank Q with a capital q. Listening to Clay's male diva voice (suited for a VH1 "Men Strike Back!" II) is very relaxing after finishing my essay. And I couldn't help laughing when I was reading the letter while waiting for my sandwich (dinner)... C-c-crazy Mr. Chamberlain. I also saw "Whale Rider" at Target last weekend but it was too expensive so I didn't buy it. Haha. Thanks for brightening up my day even at the expense of not doing homework.

"(Are The Things That Hurt So Much) Well, I'll Never Know"
[Music || Britney Spears, "Everytime"]
Sometimes I'm glad to be away. I am free from everything, everybody that was suffocating me in my hometown. I don't miss being nagged on. I don't miss the constant social pressures. I'm free here to take as much time I want at Target. I'm free to take as little time eating. I'm free to sleep until noon without worrying. I'm in charge of my life, making mistakes at my own cost with no one but myself to see and learn from them.

Still, it's not worth the human interaction. The warmth of touch. The times I'll talk until dinner time. The laid back afternoons I can pop a VCD in. Now I feel you are gone and I don't know where it went wrong. We were so close and now I don't feel we know each other. What happened?

I tried to mend it somehow... but I don't know if you don't want me anymore when you didn't reciprocate. I tried to be strong and shrug it off; we'll have some space and everything will be okay again. Thanksgiving break is coming up and I was planning to try and meet you, but now I don't know if you want to see me. Where did it all go wrong?

"My weakness caused you pain." I know I shouldn't linger on if this passes, but before I fall asleep, I think about how much I want this to mend. I think about the good times that happened. "I guess I need you baby."

I sound pathetic as I keep trying but I can't let this go. Not yet, I'm not ready. "What have I done? You seem to move on easy."

Even after watching a funny episode of "Alias" in Zoraida's room, I can't help but come back to see if you hit me up. Like usual, I didn't have high hopes. "I guess I need you."

"Bad Odors"
[Music || Lucy Woodward, "Trouble With Me"]
Today it was raining. I went to Target with a friend and I managed to buy some deodorant. I'm not sure if this keeps you dry or it's just to smell good. I forgot the name of it. Initially I thought I was going to buy something old fashion, but my friend showed it to me this can of deodorant and it was too cool to pass up.

My floor reeks today. It smells like some tuna blew up in a micorwave. It smells disgusting. I ate some pretzels bits with honey mustard and it made my breath smell. Really gross, gross, gross.

Lately, I've been breezing by classes. I hope I end up passing Astronomy. I scored another 7 out of 10 on Quiz 3. I'm happy with it because that's a personal high for me. I can't screw up the next exam like I did with the first one. I hope that I do okay on Exam 2 and the Final. The sucky thing is I haven't been reading the book so I'm lagging behind. The book is so boring.

In Stats, I didn't study too hard for my second midterm. That isn't a good thing, but only one person in the class got an "A." I was part of the majority, 17 students, who got a "B." I'm happy with the "B" because the stuff I got wrong was hard and material I wasn't familiar with. I got a 85, a great score.

I have another Beca essay due Wednesday and a book review due Tuesday. I hope I can keep it up.

I haven't talked to anyone back home. It kind of upsets me but I suppose this is what distance puts on relationships. I'm scared when I got back, everything will be completely different -- in a bad way. Change is good and bad.