It All Comes Back To Me

It's not that I don't care. Or that I'm cold and trying to brush you off.

Please understand that I NEED TIME. To move on. If I hear from you every week, it brings back everything that I don't need right now. We broke up, remember? I'm afraid to tell you how I really feel for the fear you won't understand. You may say you do, but deep down, you'll feel like I hate you or something. I don't. But it's only human to feel that way. I know I would.

I'm afraid to tell you that I don't want to hear from you for a while because you may take it as "Okay, I will not speak to him forever." No matter how I say it, you'll distant yourself and forever remember this.

But if I don't tell you, I'll act more and more like a prick. I don't mean to or want to. This will make you hate me even more. An amicable break up will turn nasty.

I don't know what to do. I need time. I need space. I need to move on. I don't owe you anything, but I do owe you respect.

After any break up, people, please give each other space. If you don't hear from someone after a break up, it doesn't necessarily mean they hate you. It just means they need to be themselves again, solo, and move on. How can someone move on if you keep contacting them and bringing up the memories and feelings they wish to get over?

Katharine McPhee sings, "I'm so over it."

I am over everybody. I'm make time for myself. I honestly don't place too much priority to family, friends, or more-than-friends. I finally learned how much others consume from you.

Don't get me wrong. I love my family and friends. I make time for them and pencil them in, but I am never going to change my schedule around for them or devote all my time (aka MY ME-TIME) to them. I remember a long, long time ago someone called me and wanted to go out. I don't know what I was thinking because I agreed even though I was in Riverside. I jumped in my car to drive back to LA right away. Why?! WHY did I give so much power to others?

The secret is putting yourself first and giving only so much of yourself to others. And that definitely doesn't make you a bad person. It's very liberating.

I'm so excited for next weekend!