"These Words"
[Music Myleene Klass, "The Heart Asks Pleasure First"]

I said I wouldn't be here if I finished my essay on Thursday due tonight at 7 p.m. for peer review. Thursday turned to Friday; I completed one of the worst rough drafts ever. I did nothing on Saturday. Yesterday (Sunday), I sat around the essay and did bits and pieces but I'm far from done.

I think I found what my problem is. I want it to be the best essay I am capable of. I don't think what I'm writing right now is what I'm potentially capable of. Instead of sitting down and completing the job, I skirt around it and find excuses to get away from it. Then, I do a cruddy job and turn in an essay I'm not proud of. I don't know why I do this even though I know I shouldn't. The process of creating an essay is hard work and it stresses me when I know I can do better, if only I found a clear thesis and one I am passionate about.

Peer review is the worst because even if I have a good essay, peers are so damn critical. So it puts even more pressure on me to come out with a half-decent essay.

Maybe there's a devil or something like it inside of me... keeping me from writing all these thoughts into a rich, coherent, developed essay.