"How could I be?"
[Music Sarah McLachlan, "Stupid"]
As the clock ticks to this inevitable day of each year, I don't feel a pang of excitement. Instead, I feel I'm less wiser, less assure, less confident.

"How stupid could I be?" - Sarah McLachlan, "Stupid"

I feel sad and I'm not sure why. I've survived another year of my lifeline, yet I wonder if I learned anything. Am I still the same as I was? Did I change for the better?

I'm so confused and I want to close my eyes and disappear. I look at my bed, see a lifeless body there (made up of a body pillow under my blankets), and wished it was really me sleeping there. And here I am, out of my body, free to walk around without a care. I close my eyes and I am at rest, I am at peace.

I hear the bump n' grind music downstairs of my house party, one I do not want to mode into, and I see my friends shift into personas I don't recognize no more, and I drown here alone, dreaming of quiet.

"How stupid could I be?" - Sarah McLachlan, "Stupid"

So now I close my eyes and wish I did not have to come to terms that I am now 20. Not a teenager, but 20, angry, confused, and disillusioned.