"I Spoke"
[Music Lindsay Lohan, "Speak" album]


I got "Speak" today. I'm glad I did. It's far from a memorable album and there are a couple less-than-average tracks on it, but overall, it's a nice album to listen to. There isn't a "So Yesterday" or "Come Clean" on here, but the whole album altogether triumphs over any "Fly"s.

"Someday
I just keep pretending
You'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on
But it hurts so bad
I can't keep
Something that I never had."

My favorite tracks so far are "Very Last Moment In Time," "Over," "Speak," "Rumors," and now "Something I Never Had."

"An Open Relationship Is A Doomed Relationship"
[Music Lucy Woodward, "Standing"]
A friend recently told me that she was in "an open relationship, sorta" with her long-distance significant other. The "sorta" was because if either one of them really did start seeing someone else, their relationship would end. So technically, it's not "open" but in a way it is since it doesn't put a burden to stay together.

Regarding what I've been feeling, I think that's my case. I mean, I know it's "sorta" like an open relationship but I can't bear to see myself as second-best. I get really jealous and stuff. It just sucks, you know? I always thought this stuff happened to dumb girls and dumb boys, NOT me.

Who really cares if I'm not exclusive? I do.

Now I'm done expressing for today.

"Homeless For A Night"
[Music Diana DeGarmo, "Emotional"]
Saturday morning, about 12:30 a.m., I went with Clay and Cristine to camp out at IKEA for their $100 gift card promotion. When we got there, we were just outside the limit (only 30 ppl will receive the gift cards).

Even though we did not get the $100 after waiting 9 hours, we did receive a consolation which took some arguing to get. I'm not entirely sure it was worth it, but the whole experience was humiliating (dressed as a gift, sleeping out in the lower than 50 degrees weather, having no place to urinate), vicious (what people would do for the gift card brings out the worst in them), and unhealthy (I was freezing and needed to take some medicine when I got back). This disorganize event was not fun. I will post more once I write my complaint to IKEA because what they did was unacceptable to their customers. They even had a rude guard who talked down to us because people were trying to explain those who cheated their way to the gift card. It wasn't fair at all. There was just so much wrong with that night that I feel I HAVE to voice it to IKEA; I'm their customer and it just isn't right what they did.
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The second thing I wanted to post was I changed my sheets today to all white. I'm coming to terms that there is no future in what I'm looking for. I knew all along that I was looking for something that wasn't there to begin with; I was fooling myself and it's time to face it. After last night, I discovered the truth from you that we only connect when we want something from each other. I was already physically sick from staying out all night, and to hear the things you told me only made me feel livid. There is nothing there. Anyway, it's a good thing to let it go because now I'm free to do whatever I want. I can have a life again.

I put this quote up on my wall:

"Waiting for you is like waiting for the rain in this drought; useless and disappointing."
-"A Cinderella Story"

That's exactly how I feel. There's no point in waiting for some sudden change of heart because that's just the way it is. I feel like such a fool and I am a fool for making myself believe there might be something there. There isn't and I shouldn't have expected it. If you don't see it, then you're blind. Sort of like me... but anyway, that's besides the point. I'm smiling, but am I happy? I look happy, so what does it matter?

That's my blog for the day. Now I am gonna do my laundry which has been sitting there for too long.

My room is nice now. I have white sheets and the aroma of lavender. Life is good. Except for finals.