"Casualness"
[Music Jo O'Meara, "What Hurts The Most"]
Today is a beautiful day.

I went out to sea and inhaled the ocean breeze. Days like these are rare here, as they are back home. It's cool, yet sunny. Perfect.

Listening to Kaci Brown, I was reminded of the drive to Santa Barbara and what happened there. I know I'm not a good person, I'm very flawed. I confide in strangers, but not to friends. I am nice, but not all the time. I am transparent at times, but an enigma.

What hurts the most is losing the people who I trusted. Now, I surround myself with people at a distance. In a sense, I am alone in a crowd. Does that make any sense?

Experience is the teacher. If my trust have been broken by so many, it's no wonder I don't look for any commitment. I don't want commitment. I don't want someone who wants to cling onto me. It hurts, but it's safer. It's protection. I will thank myself later. I guess this is the reason I wanted no strings attached, just unbelievably random, and who knows, I might have a STD or something (not that I can tell -- just kidding).

In cold hearted essence, I didn't follow-up. No strings attach means I'm not going to answer your calls for another round. I don't want to commit.

I feel lost at times, but I know it's all for the better. Isn't that the mature thing to do? Isn't it.

Casual sex is the answer. However, I don't like sex all that much. It's way overrated and a big letdown.

"No One"
[Music Jo O'Meara, "What Hurts The Most"]

Jo O'Meara - "What Hurts The Most"

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again
I pretend I'm ok but that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
Not seeing that love in you
Is what I was trying to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see your old friends and I'm alone

Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed
Dealing with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade
Give away
All the words that I say
Through my heart that I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
Not seeing that love in you
Is what I was trying to do

Is what I was trying to do
Oh wow oh wow

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
Not seeing that love in you
Is what I was trying to do

Is what I was trying to do
Yeah...
And never knowing
What could have been
Not seeing that love in you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most

"Saying Goodbye"
[Music Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, "Like We Never Loved At All"]
I'm listening to Faith's new single and.. it's overwhelming.

LIKE WE NEVER LOVED AT ALL (4:22)
(JOHN RICH / SCOT SAX / VICKI MCGEHEE)
Recorded November 12, 2004

YOU NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD
AS YOU DID LAST NIGHT
UNDERNEATH THOSE CITY LIGHTS
THERE WALKING WITH YOUR FRIEND
LAUGHING AT THE MOON
I SWEAR YOU LOOKED RIGHT THROUGH ME
BUT I’M STILL LIVING WITH YOUR GOODBYE
AND YOU’RE JUST GOING ON WITH YOUR LIFE

(CHORUS)
HOW CAN YOU JUST WALK ON BY
WITHOUT ONE TEAR IN YOUR EYE
DON’T YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST FEELINGS LEFT FOR ME
MAYBE THAT’S JUST YOUR WAY
OF DEALING WITH THE PAIN
FORGETTING EVERYTHING BETWEEN OUR RISE AND FALL
LIKE WE NEVER LOVED AT ALL

YOU, I HEAR YOU’RE DOING FINE
SEEMS LIKE YOU’RE DOING WELL
AS FAR AS I CAN TELL
TIME IS LEAVING US BEHIND
ANOTHER WEEK HAS PASSED
AND STILL I HAVEN’T LAUGHED YET
SO TELL ME WHAT YOUR SECRET IS
TO LETTING GO LIKE YOU DID, LIKE YOU DID

(CHORUS)

DID YOU FORGET THE MAGIC
DID YOU FORGET THE PASSION
DID YOU EVER MISS ME
EVER LONG TO KISS ME

(CHORUS)

YOU, YOU NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD