"Things were getting to me. Just how people are. How they always expect you to be a certain way, even your best friend."
[Music || Nelly Furtado, "Try"]
A quote from Angela Chase.

I don't know why I ever hesitated to purchase "My So-Called Life." Goodness knows how it would've affected my high school angst. Every character has an aspect of realism. High school sucked. I wished I had caught on sooner. The price was worth it. Everybody keeps trying to discover themselves in high school, but right when you think you've figured it out, you aren't so sure anymore. Parents just didn't understand. Damn ABC for axing it.

So today in Speech, I should've volunteered to go up for this 2 minute rambling on our favorite relatives. I don't know why I didn't volunteer. A girl picked a random number later in the class, and it turned out to be me. I sensed it. I don't know how I do, but I can always tell when I'm about to be called on, etc. So, I went up and rambled on about my aunt. It made me realized how sad I am that we're drifting apart. When I was at home during break, whenever she visited it, I was on my computer most of the time. She's been working a lot too so we rarely have time to see each other. I guess I'm just growing as a person and I start seeing things in a different perspective than I use to. That's how conflict of interest comes to be.

Kit called yesterday and asked if I wanted to head down with him in a couple weeks, down to LA. I said yes, but now that I look over my schedule, I don't think I can make it. My Biology test is on Monday, the weekend I come back. Whenever I know I have a test for a subject I'm not particularly strong in, I BURY myself in the library to force myself to cram whatever I can into my dysfunctional mind. After the studying, I feel like everything I studied was wrong. Is this crazy/obsessive/borderline perfectionist? I don't think I'm a perfectionist, but I hate the feeling of failing an exam I KNOW I could've studied more for. Our first exam was last week. So far, so good. After all, I paid $90 for the book and my parents are paying for my education here. The least I could do is sacrifice a weekend in the musky, dead-silence library. I love the library on weekends, it has this eery feeling to it. I hate telling Kit I can't go... it just sucks canceling. Still, even if I head back and come back, the next weekend I'll be flying home for Spring Break anywho..

Today when I was walking back from class, I was thinking about how we're all turning 19 (or already are).. We're about to be 20. I feeling I'm growing up too fast. It scares me. When I watch "My So-Called Life," I relate to the characters but it scares me how pretty soon, I'm no longer a TEENAGER. I don't want to be an adult... I want to be a teen who can be rude and obnoxious because we can. It's kinda a stereotype, but I like being goofy because I know my age allows me to. I dunno what I'm talking about... I'm just scared about growing older.

This post didn't really make any sense, nor was it suppose to.

"Oscar Picks: Should & Would Wins"
[Music || Tyra Banks, "Shake Ya Body"]

It's that time again. The Academy screwed up big time this year, snubbing the efforts of "thirteen" and "Cold Mountain" for major awards.

Here's the Will Win and Should Win for a boring, predictable telecast come Sunday.

Best Picture:
Will win: "Return of The King"

Should win: "Return of The King" - I cannot argue it's a great trilogy as a whole. Strung together, it's a classic. I didn't think the movie stood alone well, but the Academy has to award the trilogy as a whole and the way to do it is honoring "Return of The King." Some say the overrated "Mystic River" can pull an upset but that movie was so boring, I just can't see it. "Lost In Translation" is too small, but otherwise it's the best film of the bunch. "Seabiscuit" and "Master and Commander" were lucky to even be nominated.

Best Actor:
Will win: Sean Penn ("Mystic River") Bill Murray, ("Lost In Translation")

Should win: Jude Law ("Cold Mountain") - Okay, I'm bias here. This category is hard to pick because it's a three man race with Sean Penn, Bill Murray, and the wildcard/audience favorite Johnny Depp. I'm going to be plain vanilla and say Penn will get the award when I have gut instinct that Murray will. Actually, I think Murray will so I'm going to change it now. I just have a feeling a lighter movie and great acceptance speech will make Murray the winner. I say Law should win because he was amazing in "Cold Mountain" and he's not bad to look at.

Best Actress:
Will win: Charlize Theron ("Monster")

Should win: Naomi Watts ("21 Grams") - This is so unbelievable boring. It's either Theron or Keaton. I don't like any of the nominees in this category. As much as I loved "Whale Rider," Keisha Castle-Hughes' performance is nowhere near the "Best" of the year. I'm still not over Evan Rachel Wood's snub. I say Naomi Watts deserves the golden man because the Academy overlooked her in "Mulholland Dr." Not fair.

Best Supporting Actor:
Will win: Tim Robbins ("Mystic River")

Should win: Tim Robbins ("Mystic River") - I didn't like "Mystic River," but I can't deny that Robbins was captivating in it. His character makes up the movie. I wasn't feeling Ken Watanabe as much as everybody else.

Best Supporting Actress:
Will win: Shohreh Aghdashloo ("House of Sand and Fog")

Should win: Renee Zellweger ("Cold Mountain") - I can feel the upset already. I don't want Zellweger to take home the trophy for "Cold Mountain" since I rather her get it for HER leading movie in the future. All signs point to Zellweger as a lock, but I say this is the upset of the night. Her performance is hate it or love it; I personally loved it. Holly Hunter, Patricia Clarkson, and Marcia Gay Harden are all deserving and I've seen all three movie, but I don't think any of them pose as a threat. Aghdashloo will take home the Oscar; I can already imagine the "shock" from the audience when Renee's name isn't announced at the podium.

Best Director:
Will win: Peter Jackson ("Return of The King")

Should win: Peter Jackson ("Return of The King") - I like Sofia Coppola, but Jackson takes it home.

"Try"
[Music || Nelly Furtado, "Try"]
There's much to write about but none I want to put down. Here's a simple post on Nelly Furtado's new single "Try." I have never really loved her songs. "Powerless (Say What You Want)" had good lyrics, but I didn't love the song. "Try" -- I love. The lyrics, the melody, the video, everything...

Sometimes, a song comes across that I feel so intertwined with. "Try" is one them because throughmy interpretation, I've been there. Watch the video here.
---

Song: Try
Artist: Nelly Furtado
Album: Folklore

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love