[Listening to Amy Studt, "If Only"]
I drove and drove and drove... without any destination. I just needed to go somewhere.. I just needed to be alone. I didn't know where I was going. Whitter Park came to me after an hour. I missed the entrance of the pond, but I went to a secluded section of the park... Everything becomes more colorful, clear, realized, substantial when one's alone. I don't know what I learned or didn't learn or what I was doing or didn't do.

All I know is that I felt better. Returning two video tapes I wanted to rewatch but didn't have the energy or passion for today, I ended up on a small little journey of the unknown as I left the Blockbuster parking lot. The places I went past where murky and seedy (not to be mean) and polluted and sunny. I don't know what to say. At one point, I thought I might have been lost but my common sense led me back to El Monte. I wished there were mountains to drive to. There probably are, I just don't know where.

I didn't know what to do at the park because I didn't have journal or a book to occupy me. Everything was at home and I didn't want to go back home to get it. I just wanted to keep going somewhere. So when it came time, I just decided to explore the park. I tend to do things more faster when I'm alone whether it's shopping, eating, or getting somewhere on time. I think I did nothing at the park at a moderate speed. That's good enough for me.

I'm embarassed to say that Amy's album gives the right injection of angst and sadness I was looking for. I don't know why I was sad. Maybe because this change is scaring me. I felt scared. I felt suffocated. I felt... confused.

Alone. The worst thing about being alone today was that the day ended with buying a slurpee at 7-Eleven. I don't have cup holders in my car so the cup fell over even when I slowly turned. I only regret not being able to taste much of the Raspberry top Icee. I had mostly the Pina Collota on the bottom.

This post doesn't really say anything nor was it suppose to. Like the driving.. it's just a constant flow, but this time, with my thoughts.

I feel so nausous. I am so nervous about the college orientation. All the paperwork and stuff.. there's no reminder for me to do them. The website and letters I get from the school are so hard to read and follow cos they don't put all the important things in the front, etc. I messed up and didn't pay for my tuition yet. I hope I don't miss my orientation because of it. PLEASE let it be okay tomorrow and let me pay my fees. PLEASE. The website is so unorganized that all the times I've been there, I haven't seen the notice. ARGH, so complicated. So many fees. All this, just for school.

[Listening to Angela Ammons, "Deeper Than You Do"]
I am lazy so I use hot fries as a substitute for real fries. I accompanied it with my sandwich today. Instead of buying something to-go, I decided I should eat at home.

Today I drove alone. It's really enjoyable to be alone around town. I went to a so-called discount shop. Well, let me clarify my misconception to say the shop was far from a discount! Their ugly, felt berets were $14.99! And their normal looking ones were $32.99. No wonder the store was empty. I left right away. The high point was finding a parking space for that plaza (I had to park in the street).

I went to Tower Records prior to "discount hat shop." Beyonce and Michelle Branch's latest albums came out today. Both are selling quite well, but there happened to be more Michelle sold at TR. I'm not interested in either so I skipped on by. There wasn't anything remotely worth buying but I love walking around in that Tower Records. I can really discover new artists and great CDs there. The enviroment there is much more homely than the Tower at Atlantic Square or West Covina mall. One of my main intentions was going to the Hallmark which had a sign on their window to allowed only "Two students at a time" in their store. Sadly, the rude Hallmark closed down! To think, I never bought anything from them! I only redeemed my free chocolate from them once cos they're a "Gold Crown" hallmark.

Anyways, my day went on to Target and later Savons (since Rite Aide, and other places don't carry Hallmark cards like them)... it's much too boring to write about. I found what I was looking for at Target. After searching Pic N Save, Dollar Tree, and other places. And guess what? I got a good deal! $2.49.

[Listening to CoCo Lee, "All Around The World" & Amy Studt, "Ladder In My Tights"]
I don't want to post about my asking about feedback. As a friend of mine told me, it was quite pathetic. It'll just be one of the things I will secretly laugh about when I think in silence. Similar to the time I had to ask SZO how to make grilled cheese sandwiches. However, they did teach me how to do it good with lots of butter.

I found this old post at TOD which I'm still amazed wasn't deleted yet. Still, I have not kept my promise so I have to do so tomorrow! And I did buy Willa's album after all!
When I can drive all by myself... 8/24/2002
The first thing to do is buy a really low-price copy of my guilty pleasure with a hint of "meaningfulness" album, "Willa Was Here." Then I'll blast her songs on the stereo. It'll be hilarious.
I was practicing driving the other day and I hear someone next to me have (probably a burnt copy) of "Ooh Ooh" blasting. I was thinking, 'perfect car music'!
:-) It's like when I turned 17 - rated R movies with ID check. I actually want them to check so I'll pretend to be frustrated.

I feel all teen angsty for whatever reason. Listening to the Slutmester now and my cherished Angela Ammons album in the car today. Before I forget, I am in love with CoCo Lee' s new English single (finally!) called "All Around The World." It will be out in the Asian version of the soundtrack to "Charlie's Angel 2." Thanks to Bry and R&R board for the CoCo's heads up. I still remember bringing my SonyStyle to Ms. Chen's class and telling everyone how they should support CoCo and her endeavor to become an international star. Damn those so-called "racist" radio stations. My theories were a bit farfetched but I was a bit excited about having an Asian American superstar making it big in America!

I felt good because this Mexican lady in front of me at Ralphs forgot her card and the cashier asked if she could borrow mine. Of course, she could. It felt good to be giving back to my community! She said thank you to me as I ran out of the market and I gave her a $10 smile and said "You're welcome." Speaking of Ralphs, I got into this hungry Mr. Bigot situation with my mom today which prompted me to go to my mushroom ketchup (two bottles from Ketchup World) and Ali's Vegetarian cookbook. I set my sights on the Fatty's Led Zepplin sandwich I've been eyeing to make. I had fire in my tummy and lust in my eyes. This pushed me to the edge to go shopping at Ralphs.

I was free to park in the far sections of the market where my mom would never go for. What's a few extra steps to waiting an extra 10 minutes for a car to back out? While choosing between a Sweet French Baguette or a Multi-grain Baugette, I felt very independent and free, just like a friend told me of their sister. After playing with all the baguettes and pulling each bag out of the basket, I selected a Sweet French one in a Multi-grain bag. How bizarre! I ended up spending quite a bit cos none of what my recipe called for was on sale at Ralphs. Writing about this is making me hungry. I underestimated how much mushrooms there really were in a 6 oz bag but everything turned out okay. The more mushroom ketchup, the more flavorful. All in all, my results was a feast. Okay, everything I cook - I love. My family politely never touch my cooking except my aunt. How sad is that? I don't know if they don't want to eat my food because they want me to eat more or if they think it might be gross.. I rest assure you, it is not!

Portobello mushroom and chives on a crispy baguette:

[Listening to Jessica Simpson, "Sweetest Sin" & Clay Aiken, "This Is The Night"]
I've just watched an average plot hole-ridden Cantonese horror flick called "The Eye." This is as average as it gets. With 70% fresh at Rottentomatoes.com, I would expect it to be scary and good... but "The Eye" is a movie that's slow and not worth an American adaptation (which Tom Cruise acquired). The only good thing about the movie was that it had one or two scary moments (which ended up not adding anything significant to the plot) and it was in Cantonese (a language I can understand). As I walked out of the theater, some guy just asked me "So how was the movie?" Sadly, I did not know he was about to watch it and he was in line. I guess out of confusion, I still did him a favor. I told him it was "Very average." He laughed it off. I bet he'll agree with me after he's done.

The movie was beside the point. Afterward, I had to get a validation. There was this African American worker there speaking inaudible mumbling in the speaker after I politely asked him about the United Artist $2 donation for a validated ticket... At first, I didn't know what the fuck he was saying cos he kept mumbling. Then after a few more "I can't hear what you're saying," he says "Just kidding." The whole time he was just spitting and mumbling closes to his speaker. What a fucking asshole, doncha think? I think so. First of all, he's getting fucking paid to do his fucking job. Second, I didn't think it was very nice considering I wouldn't have done that in his place. So screw that fucker and I didn't even respond to him and left. How fucked up, huh?

Anyways, later my friend found out that it's actually cheaper to get it validated at United Artist instead of paying the fee. So, holding my head high (kind of), I followed my friend back to that fucker's stand. Anyways, that fucker made a fool of his fucking self again. He fucking told my friend to put their favorite animal and food under the donation star where you write your name. Does he think his job is a fucking joke? I hope he gets fucking fired. Anyways, after my friend was done with the donation star, I went up to him and (unfortunately, not so loudly) told him "You're very rude." I hope he heard me. He must've. Now the only fucking regret I have is not getting that fucker's fucking name so I can write a letter to United Artist to get him fucked.

By chance, the UA also had some kids petitioning about teacher budget cuts. I felt a bit strongly about that so I decided to sign. My friend was not so understanding and did not happen to agree and told the kid off. Later, we found out after my friend's interrogation that the kids who were asking people to sign were doing so because of community service. Anywho, I felt strongly against budget cuts and signed. However, my friend telling the kid how the budget cuts petitions, etc was "bullshit" got the worst of me. It was totally uncalled for imo because (1) it was rude to that kid who was just doing his job of community service and (2) cussing is totally uncalled for. No, siree!

I also hate people who make other people feel "dumb." I mean, I hate it when people do that to me. Maybe it hurts my pride or ego or whatever... but people who make their friends feel inferior are not friends. Maybe I'm just oversensitive and I don't like people critiquing me (I think they're criticizing me). I don't like to be told what's wrong and what's right.. and blah blah blah.

As I was driving home, there was a lady who made a turn into my right lane in super slow speed. I could've hit her. So even though I came to a slow stop and she was getting ready to speed off, I gave her a small honk. It was a warning. Hehe, I know.. it was a wee rude since it wasn't like I was going to hit her when I stopped. But still, I COULD'VE earlier. So my mini, small little honk was a warning to her. Later, as she sped off, I changed lanes to the left. I wasn't intentionally doing so to see her face and give her mean glares. However, that was the case when we paralleled together at a red light. When she turned to give ME a dirty look, I couldn't help laughing. Hahahahaha! And when it was green, I wanted to drive parallel to her but she was too slow and I didn't want to risk anything (such as her getting angry and stalking my car without me knowing and later finding out where I live so she'll cut off my balls -- that or the cops will see me).

Let me just end it here since this post didn't really contribute anything. It'll be one of those posts I'll read over later and laugh at.

[Listening to Melanie C, "On The Horizon"]
I woke up today feeling like I had a hang over from too little shut-eye.

Actually, now that I had an offer to go watch "The Eye" which I agreed to... I sort of feel like I want to take it back. I don't want to change out of my comfy PJs. ARGH. I actually planned on just watching "Beautiful Thing" today instead of going out. Do we actually agree to go out with friends because we want to or do we really just want to go out to "do something"? I do not know why I posed such a stupid question just now like Carrie Bradshaw.