[Listening to Amy Studt, "If Only"]
I drove and drove and drove... without any destination. I just needed to go somewhere.. I just needed to be alone. I didn't know where I was going. Whitter Park came to me after an hour. I missed the entrance of the pond, but I went to a secluded section of the park... Everything becomes more colorful, clear, realized, substantial when one's alone. I don't know what I learned or didn't learn or what I was doing or didn't do.
All I know is that I felt better. Returning two video tapes I wanted to rewatch but didn't have the energy or passion for today, I ended up on a small little journey of the unknown as I left the Blockbuster parking lot. The places I went past where murky and seedy (not to be mean) and polluted and sunny. I don't know what to say. At one point, I thought I might have been lost but my common sense led me back to El Monte. I wished there were mountains to drive to. There probably are, I just don't know where.
I didn't know what to do at the park because I didn't have journal or a book to occupy me. Everything was at home and I didn't want to go back home to get it. I just wanted to keep going somewhere. So when it came time, I just decided to explore the park. I tend to do things more faster when I'm alone whether it's shopping, eating, or getting somewhere on time. I think I did nothing at the park at a moderate speed. That's good enough for me.
I'm embarassed to say that Amy's album gives the right injection of angst and sadness I was looking for. I don't know why I was sad. Maybe because this change is scaring me. I felt scared. I felt suffocated. I felt... confused.
Alone. The worst thing about being alone today was that the day ended with buying a slurpee at 7-Eleven. I don't have cup holders in my car so the cup fell over even when I slowly turned. I only regret not being able to taste much of the Raspberry top Icee. I had mostly the Pina Collota on the bottom.
This post doesn't really say anything nor was it suppose to. Like the driving.. it's just a constant flow, but this time, with my thoughts.
I drove and drove and drove... without any destination. I just needed to go somewhere.. I just needed to be alone. I didn't know where I was going. Whitter Park came to me after an hour. I missed the entrance of the pond, but I went to a secluded section of the park... Everything becomes more colorful, clear, realized, substantial when one's alone. I don't know what I learned or didn't learn or what I was doing or didn't do.
All I know is that I felt better. Returning two video tapes I wanted to rewatch but didn't have the energy or passion for today, I ended up on a small little journey of the unknown as I left the Blockbuster parking lot. The places I went past where murky and seedy (not to be mean) and polluted and sunny. I don't know what to say. At one point, I thought I might have been lost but my common sense led me back to El Monte. I wished there were mountains to drive to. There probably are, I just don't know where.
I didn't know what to do at the park because I didn't have journal or a book to occupy me. Everything was at home and I didn't want to go back home to get it. I just wanted to keep going somewhere. So when it came time, I just decided to explore the park. I tend to do things more faster when I'm alone whether it's shopping, eating, or getting somewhere on time. I think I did nothing at the park at a moderate speed. That's good enough for me.
I'm embarassed to say that Amy's album gives the right injection of angst and sadness I was looking for. I don't know why I was sad. Maybe because this change is scaring me. I felt scared. I felt suffocated. I felt... confused.
Alone. The worst thing about being alone today was that the day ended with buying a slurpee at 7-Eleven. I don't have cup holders in my car so the cup fell over even when I slowly turned. I only regret not being able to taste much of the Raspberry top Icee. I had mostly the Pina Collota on the bottom.
This post doesn't really say anything nor was it suppose to. Like the driving.. it's just a constant flow, but this time, with my thoughts.
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