At Gonsalves, we received Responsibility Cards - a light blue scrap of paper that recognized we must've did something that was deemed responsible by the teacher. With the said card, we could trade them in at the end of each Friday at the principal's office for an eraser, pencil, popsicle, or put them in a drawing for passes to the bowling alley or a blockbuster rental.

I yearned for one, but was too meek, too quiet, too invisible, to snag them from my teacher usually. Those who raised their hands often to start off popcorn reading or were nice to the substitute teachers got them. One time I spent the whole Citizenship Award assembly sitting straight without saying a single word, but wasn't chosen for a Responsibility Card. I was bummed!

Then one day at lunch, I joined my friend Gabriel, and together, we helped the custodian Eddie clean up and empty the trash. In retrospect, it was child labor and I can't believe the school allowed us kids to help throw out trash, which was Eddie's job. But the point is, I started to get my Responsibility Cards from Eddie and started to rack up. I had so many, I continously won the drawings.

I'm not sure what the moral of this story is except that my friends and I got to bowl a lot for free. I want to bring the point back to being Responsibile.

Too often I forget, I am RESPONSIBLE for myself. Everything I feel, I am responsible for. Nobody can "make" me feel anything. If I'm sad, it's because I chose to be sad. Nobody has the power to "make" me upset; it's that I chose to allow them to get to me.

I surrendered, I hurt, but the beautiful thing is, I was honest with myself and I will move on and LIVE. I am responsible for my choices, and I look back with no regrets.

I really am digging Brandy's "Camouflage." "I tried giving half of me, In the end i came up empty, Baby, you ain't worth it if I've got to camouflage..."