"Casualness"
[Music Jo O'Meara, "What Hurts The Most"]
Today is a beautiful day.

I went out to sea and inhaled the ocean breeze. Days like these are rare here, as they are back home. It's cool, yet sunny. Perfect.

Listening to Kaci Brown, I was reminded of the drive to Santa Barbara and what happened there. I know I'm not a good person, I'm very flawed. I confide in strangers, but not to friends. I am nice, but not all the time. I am transparent at times, but an enigma.

What hurts the most is losing the people who I trusted. Now, I surround myself with people at a distance. In a sense, I am alone in a crowd. Does that make any sense?

Experience is the teacher. If my trust have been broken by so many, it's no wonder I don't look for any commitment. I don't want commitment. I don't want someone who wants to cling onto me. It hurts, but it's safer. It's protection. I will thank myself later. I guess this is the reason I wanted no strings attached, just unbelievably random, and who knows, I might have a STD or something (not that I can tell -- just kidding).

In cold hearted essence, I didn't follow-up. No strings attach means I'm not going to answer your calls for another round. I don't want to commit.

I feel lost at times, but I know it's all for the better. Isn't that the mature thing to do? Isn't it.

Casual sex is the answer. However, I don't like sex all that much. It's way overrated and a big letdown.