[Listening to Amy Studt, "If Only"]
I have to rant. I feel like I made friends with poison. The only thing sad about this is that I shouldn't care at this point of my life when I won't ever see poison again. It only saddens me that poison doesn't get it.
I know it isn't completely my fault, but I shouldn't be afraid to be who I am. I shouldn't be accused every single time of who I am. I feel what I feel. Nobody should tell me who I should be.
And the saddest part of today is that I was getting out of the hell hole in my mind when suddenly poison is injected under my skin to make me feel like @#$Z again.
It didn't use to be like this. Like all this fucked up shit. And in the middle of all this, I was appointed the blame. What a waste of me.
---
Oh, I feel like total shitz again. I don't know why I am always lured into making conversation with the devil. I am playing with fire here. Do you know how it feels to think someone will change, but they don't? And I KNOW I shouldn't try to make them change. It's just that... you know, I shouldn't let myself be hurt again from someone so insensitive and untactful.
SIGH... I don't know where I'm going with this post. I'm just running in circles. I'm blasting up Amy Studt's "Ladder In My Tights," which is a dedication to my fked up situation.
How can it that I can consider someone my friend when all the time, I'm put down and I'm told how and how not to feel? Maybe I'm blinded from my rose colored glasses.
Excerpts from "Ladder In My Tights" by Amy Studt:
"Why'd you wanna pick on me and not the rest?
Does it make you feel big?
Does it make you feel clever?
So tell me how's the weather. "
[I really like this line because I am constantly asking myself, "why me?" out of the group. And it ends with a silly (possibly written by an amateur) and light-hearted Who-Gives-A-FK reply.]
"Oh if I just had a little more time
I'd show you the world feels so much better when you find you don't fit
There's a ladder in your tights
And who gives a fuck if -whoops- you ain't shiny and perfect."
[This line/chorus is a perfect answer of showing to people that I'm happy with who I am and I don't need any dictation. I remember screaming this line when I drove and drove on Thursday. I love hollering the line "Who gives a fuck" cos it relieves so much stress!]
"Yeah yeah yeah
Just one more one push trying to make me your clone
Marking me outta 10 for the label on my clothes
Just one more struck and I'm gonna hit back
I'm gonna burn down your house in a heated attack"
[This verse is so harsh! Haha.. I love how angry she sounds by saying how she has had it with the last straw. I hope no one gets so angry they'll burn down someone's house.. but sometimes we all feel that way. :-P lol]
Okay, enough analyzing with Amy's song. Lemme finish this up... with that I like tempting my fate with a knife as a friend because the good sometimes outweigh the cuts. It's S&M but.. I will be watch my distance. I like having diced pineapples for the sunny days and I'll dodge the stabs of this dangerous relationship.
I have to rant. I feel like I made friends with poison. The only thing sad about this is that I shouldn't care at this point of my life when I won't ever see poison again. It only saddens me that poison doesn't get it.
I know it isn't completely my fault, but I shouldn't be afraid to be who I am. I shouldn't be accused every single time of who I am. I feel what I feel. Nobody should tell me who I should be.
And the saddest part of today is that I was getting out of the hell hole in my mind when suddenly poison is injected under my skin to make me feel like @#$Z again.
It didn't use to be like this. Like all this fucked up shit. And in the middle of all this, I was appointed the blame. What a waste of me.
---
Oh, I feel like total shitz again. I don't know why I am always lured into making conversation with the devil. I am playing with fire here. Do you know how it feels to think someone will change, but they don't? And I KNOW I shouldn't try to make them change. It's just that... you know, I shouldn't let myself be hurt again from someone so insensitive and untactful.
SIGH... I don't know where I'm going with this post. I'm just running in circles. I'm blasting up Amy Studt's "Ladder In My Tights," which is a dedication to my fked up situation.
How can it that I can consider someone my friend when all the time, I'm put down and I'm told how and how not to feel? Maybe I'm blinded from my rose colored glasses.
Excerpts from "Ladder In My Tights" by Amy Studt:
"Why'd you wanna pick on me and not the rest?
Does it make you feel big?
Does it make you feel clever?
So tell me how's the weather. "
[I really like this line because I am constantly asking myself, "why me?" out of the group. And it ends with a silly (possibly written by an amateur) and light-hearted Who-Gives-A-FK reply.]
"Oh if I just had a little more time
I'd show you the world feels so much better when you find you don't fit
There's a ladder in your tights
And who gives a fuck if -whoops- you ain't shiny and perfect."
[This line/chorus is a perfect answer of showing to people that I'm happy with who I am and I don't need any dictation. I remember screaming this line when I drove and drove on Thursday. I love hollering the line "Who gives a fuck" cos it relieves so much stress!]
"Yeah yeah yeah
Just one more one push trying to make me your clone
Marking me outta 10 for the label on my clothes
Just one more struck and I'm gonna hit back
I'm gonna burn down your house in a heated attack"
[This verse is so harsh! Haha.. I love how angry she sounds by saying how she has had it with the last straw. I hope no one gets so angry they'll burn down someone's house.. but sometimes we all feel that way. :-P lol]
Okay, enough analyzing with Amy's song. Lemme finish this up... with that I like tempting my fate with a knife as a friend because the good sometimes outweigh the cuts. It's S&M but.. I will be watch my distance. I like having diced pineapples for the sunny days and I'll dodge the stabs of this dangerous relationship.
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