"Dependent On Distractions"
[Music B*Witched, "Like The Rose"]
I feel I'm slipping down to where I was once summer started. Staying around with no job or no school is no fun. It's downright depressing.
Right now, without the distraction of school problems or cramming for exams, I suddenly have more time to think over my problems instead of running away from them. It's kind of depressing. I can't go out as much either because I don't have lots of pocket money (because I don't work).
I don't know.. Yesterday I went to Barnes Park Library or whatever. I thought it would be a refuge from home; instead, it was a smelly, seedy library with noisy kids and cell phones. I couldn't read two pages without being distracted (the bad type of distraction, that is). I long for the days of my campus library... cool, quiet, and dead.
I think I'm so down, I can't even read a depressing book. It's too hard.
Yesterday, I rewatched "Kissing Jessica Stein" with a new perspective, a new angle. That Rilke quote really gets to me again. Each time I read it, I find something more. It speaks to me, because I think there's a lot of similarities between all the complex, 3-dimensional characters in the movie and me. Actually, those characters are in all of us.
"It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed. It is shyness before any sort of new and unforseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope, but only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical, will live the relation to another as something alive." -Rilke
[Music B*Witched, "Like The Rose"]
I feel I'm slipping down to where I was once summer started. Staying around with no job or no school is no fun. It's downright depressing.
Right now, without the distraction of school problems or cramming for exams, I suddenly have more time to think over my problems instead of running away from them. It's kind of depressing. I can't go out as much either because I don't have lots of pocket money (because I don't work).
I don't know.. Yesterday I went to Barnes Park Library or whatever. I thought it would be a refuge from home; instead, it was a smelly, seedy library with noisy kids and cell phones. I couldn't read two pages without being distracted (the bad type of distraction, that is). I long for the days of my campus library... cool, quiet, and dead.
I think I'm so down, I can't even read a depressing book. It's too hard.
Yesterday, I rewatched "Kissing Jessica Stein" with a new perspective, a new angle. That Rilke quote really gets to me again. Each time I read it, I find something more. It speaks to me, because I think there's a lot of similarities between all the complex, 3-dimensional characters in the movie and me. Actually, those characters are in all of us.
"It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed. It is shyness before any sort of new and unforseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope, but only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical, will live the relation to another as something alive." -Rilke
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