"Thoughts"
[Music || Mariah Carey, "Close My Eyes"]
I have so much to write about I don't know where to start.
Going back home, nothing really changed except for me. I don't want to stay at home. My parents annoy me too much. I rather be alone. I've been thinking a lot lately, being alone offers me so much more than to put up with relationships.
Solitude is a wonderful thing. And I don't mind it. I think I was meant to live alone. There isn't a person in the world who can move my soul and match on the same level as me. And to quote Jo Davidson's song, "There's so much sex without love." I don't want that. I want to give myself away when the perfect person arrives. And that is never. I don't care if my standards are too high, but that's just the way it is for me. I rather be alone than to fall for something that doesn't fit. I was talking to a friend about this... and is it wrong to have standards to high, to be too picky? If it is, I don't care.
It finally hit me that I don't have a sense of belonging anymore. I never felt home was where I belonged. I hate Alhambra and all the crappy markets and restaurants and people that are there. I feel the place is so ignorant and shielded from much of diverse world. It's a stereotype, but shoot me if I put a stamp on the city.
I don't have a sense of belonging here either. I am new to this city and I have so much to discover. I value my own privacy so much, even at home when I would lock the door before retiring. I want a room of my own, then everything will be perfect. I don't want to deal with people, I want to be able to walk among the others like a ghost. Nobody knows me and I don't know anyone. Sure, they'll be times when I'll feel too lonely but distance friendships are worth more than close ones.
On top of all this, I don't know what direction I want to take my life in right now. It's like the Buffy season when you're just there in life... you don't know which path to take.
[Music || Mariah Carey, "Close My Eyes"]
I have so much to write about I don't know where to start.
Going back home, nothing really changed except for me. I don't want to stay at home. My parents annoy me too much. I rather be alone. I've been thinking a lot lately, being alone offers me so much more than to put up with relationships.
Solitude is a wonderful thing. And I don't mind it. I think I was meant to live alone. There isn't a person in the world who can move my soul and match on the same level as me. And to quote Jo Davidson's song, "There's so much sex without love." I don't want that. I want to give myself away when the perfect person arrives. And that is never. I don't care if my standards are too high, but that's just the way it is for me. I rather be alone than to fall for something that doesn't fit. I was talking to a friend about this... and is it wrong to have standards to high, to be too picky? If it is, I don't care.
It finally hit me that I don't have a sense of belonging anymore. I never felt home was where I belonged. I hate Alhambra and all the crappy markets and restaurants and people that are there. I feel the place is so ignorant and shielded from much of diverse world. It's a stereotype, but shoot me if I put a stamp on the city.
I don't have a sense of belonging here either. I am new to this city and I have so much to discover. I value my own privacy so much, even at home when I would lock the door before retiring. I want a room of my own, then everything will be perfect. I don't want to deal with people, I want to be able to walk among the others like a ghost. Nobody knows me and I don't know anyone. Sure, they'll be times when I'll feel too lonely but distance friendships are worth more than close ones.
On top of all this, I don't know what direction I want to take my life in right now. It's like the Buffy season when you're just there in life... you don't know which path to take.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home