"In between"
[Music Jo Davidson, "The Simply Said Sessions" album]
I have a few questions.
Why do colleges want us to take crappy GEs that I could care less about?
Why am I boring and bored with school?
Why am I going through the motions?
Why can't I make friends like those charismatic sluts?
Why can't I make superficial friends? Why do I need somebody who I can tell my stories to? And how much do I share and how much do I keep to myself?
Why am I sad but I don't know why?
Why do people want to die when so many sick patients in hospitals want to live?
Why do people feel they have to strip half-naked to get attention?
Why can't I find somebody who understands me?
Why are so many ahead of me? It's not a race, but it sure feels like one.
Why do the majority of people want somebody so fit and toned like a model? What is our obsession with an unattainable image perceived by the media? What is my sometimes-obsession?
Why do those images push people to go all narcissistic, buying expensive clothes and working out until it burns?
Why do people who were born looking good get an advantage in this world?
Why is our society obsessed with blonde hair, hard abs, toned body, high cheek bones, what the fuck ever.. Everyone can deny the eye candy with their envy but they know they want it.
Why do I want to have sex so badly but I don't? Sometimes I want to get it over with, but then I think about how much better it is to hold onto it. It's the one thing I can call my own.
Why do so many people give themselves away so casually?
Why must people get drunk, do drugs, and party in smoke polluted clubs to have fun?
Why don't I join in? What is up with my stupid morals? Is it so hard to just give in to something I don't feel is right?
Why is the future unclear?
Why do we go to college for years and possibly come out with nothing but a degree and half-ass knowledge? We might not even find a job.
Why is happiness so hard to find?
What makes me happy?
Why do I wind myself up in one-sided, partly demented abusive relationships? Maybe I'm the problem.
Why is it so hard to make friends?
Why is it so hard to keep friends?
Why is it so hard to lose friends? Why must they go and find that one and only? Why is it so hard for me? Why DON'T I just give it up because there's no one out there capable of my standards? Maybe I'm the problem.
Why is it so hard to want to call her up and tell her my problems but yet I don't want to place any burden on her?
Why can't I just get give it up and just fucking have sex and get it over with? Who cares if in the process, I'll almost certainly ruin this friendship? Because a fleeting moment of lust is not worth it. And I'm not ready, that's fucking why! Or am I?
Why can't YOU just want me?! Why isn't it enough? Why is everything based on sex here? I give myself to YOU and I don't even know who YOU are. But why am I so drawn to YOU? Why can't I avoid and just give YOU up? Will this pass one day? Am I disillusioned? Am I crazy? Why am I so hard to please? Why can't I just let this be what it is, mutual? Why am I so starved for this when I was the one who told myself not to get into these stupid things called relationship? Why am I faithful? Am I really? Why didn't I learn from the first half of "How To Deal"? Will I get over this one day? If I do, will I mean nothing to you? What if everything you told me was a lie? Am I crazy? Imagining things that are not there? Am I that lonely? Am I ill? Why can't I just give YOU up? When will I know the difference between lust and love? Why can I wait? What is wrong with me? Will I get over this? Are YOU holding me back?
Why do I have so many questions I don't want answers to?
Why is being "in between" these places so stressful? No one sees I burn. I hide it. I burn.

Why'd things have to go and get so complicated?
Tell me. (Not really.)