"I Wasn't There"
[Music || Lene Marlin, "Another Day" album]
I feel miserable. And I shouldn't be.

First H_, then L_, then Y_, and now C_. Close friends of mine have problems and I'm not there for them. I'm so self-absorbed. I only care about myself. Why is that?

And when I try to be there for others, I come across as insincere and fake. I don't give good advice but I am there to listen. Isn't that enough? Yes, deep inside, I don't think it is enough either.

I just pray that the friends I hold close to me now will forgive me. I don't want to try and play the victim here, but that's probably how it comes across as anyways.

Distance is a terrible excuse but it does bad things. It takes relationships apart and puts them to the test. It hurts but it's something I'm learning.

On top of all this, I have to do applications all over again. I have more homework and a revision due Thursday.

Lene Marlin's "Fight Against The Hours" sums it all up for me:
"I know that if I lay down now
Inside I know I'll weep
Guess I'm holding on to treasures
To things that just aren't there
To people that I used to know
To words I wish to hear"

I think I'm not allowing myself to accept change.